guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize