I must be too annoying 4 u.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
