Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
