I think I died a long time ago.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Alive.
So much puke
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
