i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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