mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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