can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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