just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
