whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
