its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize