I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
