Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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