im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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