I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
