I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
