just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
