I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
