6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
