You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize