in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
