i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
