Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize