you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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