C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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