someone threw a dead crab at me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
