i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
