they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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