i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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