Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize