She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
