They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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