we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
