oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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