i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
