There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
