Where are you?
In a non slutty way
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
