But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize