just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
