Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
