Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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