He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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