Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
