Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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