I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
