There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
