i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
