I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
