my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
