My liver just broke up with me...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize