I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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