K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
