Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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