Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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