I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
