I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
