Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
