I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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