I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
