If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's always time for handjobs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
