ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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