My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
