I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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