i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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