Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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