I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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