I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
