Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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