found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
