If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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