She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
