She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
