dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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